Nothing Without Sacrifice
by Lovelife05
Summary: Castiel's thoughts about the the Trials and his true reason for shutting down Heaven. "All of you Dean. That me heal all of you." Series of Oneshots. First three Destiel, but there are others, will be all characters. Dean, Castiel, Sam, Bobby.
1. Nothing without sacrifice

_**AN: Hey there guys, well this is my first shot at a Supernatural fic, So please be nice. Sorry if i have got any of the passages wrong. I don't own anything. I hope y'all enjoy, let me know. :)**_

**Spoilers for season 8.**

**Set in the finale, when Castiel tells Dean about the trials, before they know Metatron's plan.**

**Summary: **Castiel's thoughts about the the Trials and his true reason for shutting down Heaven.

_'So the questions come about, would he lay down his free will, his life for God. Leave the people he cared about for God. Maybe a while ago he would but now...'_

**~Lovelife xx**

* * *

**Nothing without Sacrifice**

_Thes 3:3 (NIV) 'So that no one would be unsettles by these trials. You know that we are destined for them' _

Trials.

Through out the time of God there have been trials. The Lords plan takes patience and time. The trial of retribution, having patience that God has something great planned for you, your destiny.

_'My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trial, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (NKJV)_

_ ..._

The trial of Faith, can man truly believe in God when being pulled through mass amount of pain and suffering. Losing reasons to live and breath. When you lose your reason to get up in the morning and carry on with live, when you just beg for death (the horseman that would be happy to oblige) how can you have Faith in God then?

**_Daniel 3:16-18 (HCSB)_**

_16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to the king, "Nebuchadnezzar, we don't need to give you an answer to this question. 17 If the God we serve exists, then He can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and He can rescue us from the power of you, the king. 18 But even if He does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up."_

...

The trial of Love. Life is a test that God has assigned to be completed. When life gets hard, that is God testing your strength and love. The depth of love during life's test. Peter was an example of this:

_**John 21:15-17 (HCSB)**  
_

_When they had eaten breakfast, Jesus asked Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?"_

_"Yes, Lord," he said to Him, "You know that I love You."_

_"Feed My lambs," He told him._

_16 A second time He asked him, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?"  
_

_"Yes, Lord," he said to Him, "You know that I love You."_

"_She__pherd My sheep," He told him._

_17 He asked him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love Me?"_

_Peter was grieved that He asked him the third time, "Do you love Me?" He said, "Lord, You know everything! You know that I love You."_

_"Feed My sheep," Jesus said._

_..._

The trial of Obedience. Would you obey God no matter what? Would you blindly follow his orders without any question? Without doubt. Without Free will. Will you follow God even if he ordered you to do something that question you morals, your beliefs? Something you find uncomfortable or wish to avoid? Jesus himself was and example of Obedience.

_Matthew 26:39 (HCSB)_

_39 Going a little farther,[a] He fell facedown and prayed, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will."_

_Philippians 2:8 (HCSB)_

_8 He humbled Himself by becoming obedient_  
_to the point of death—_  
_even to death on a cross._

_..._

__Finally the trial of Sacrifice. Are you willing to sacrifice everything in the name of God? Sacrifice your possessions, your loved, your life. At what point would you stop sacrificing? Would you sacrifice yourself to follow Gods orders?

_Genesis 22:7-8 (HCSB)_

_7 Then Isaac spoke to his father Abraham and said, "My father."_

_And he replied, "Here I am, my son."_

_Isaac said, "The fire and the wood are here, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"_

_8 Abraham answered, "God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." Then the two of them walked on together._

...

Sacrifice.

To sacrifice your freedom. He had seen many wars in Heaven.

Cain and Abel,

Michael and Lucifer.

He was there when Moses set The Decalogue and saved the slaves. Noah had built the arch and he had witnessed God destroy mankind for disobeying, that was the first time Death had roamed the earth. He watched as Abraham willingly sacrificed his son but as the fatal blow descended, God stopped him. Abraham would willingly lay down his own flesh and blood as sacrifice for his Faith, his God. So the questions come about, would he lay down his free will, his life for God? Leave the people he cared about for God? If it was a time set in the past, he would. Without question he would offer everything to his Father, as he was a obedient son, a loyal son. But now,

No.

He would not lay anything down for his Father who had abandoned them, who had left them to fend for their selves and did not care whether Armageddon came. He did not care that his son's were destroying what it meant to be a Angel, tainting their grace. Yes they were warriors, the defended his Fathers creations yet his Father did not care as his Brothers were killing them. They stopped that without him, so no he would not leave his loved ones for God.

What is right.

That is why he would leave the people he had come to call family. The people who taught him to be human and how to feel.

He would leave Sam and Dean because that is what is best for them. hey deserved a better life, one where Angels were not clinging to their backs. Constantly destroying every beautiful thing that happens to them. Both their souls had been tormented enough.

Dean's soul had been beautiful before he entered the pits of hell, before the righteous man broke and let the fiery pits consume his soul, torturing it until he cried and begged fr them to stop, pleaded. He gave in and tortured. They had done that to him, the Angels. It was always Dean's destiny to start Armageddon, the destiny they had scripted for him.

Dean Winchester had made Castiel feel and he thought of Dean as family more than he ever had with his brothers.

So for Dean, Castiel would complete these Trials, lock himself in Heaven where most of his Brothers would want to kill him, but for Dean Winchester he would do it.

The trial of Patience, he would wait for Dean to finish his profanities and angry words that were being spat at him. He would wait for Dean to realize Castiel was doing this for him. He would wait for Dean to realize Castiel had learned to love, to love Dean Winchester and when he did Castiel would be waiting in Heaven for Dean.

The trial of Faith, Castiel had faith in Dean. Faith that Dean would shut the gates of Hell and live a happy life. Faith that Dean would never forget Castiel and would always think of him as family. Faith that Dean would understand that Castiel loves Dean and is waiting for him. Faith that when Dean finally gave himself to peace he would come find Castiel.

The trial of Love, Castiel loves Dean's eyes. They shone like an Angels grace and despite Deans tortured soul they show that his soul was still as beautiful and pure as it was before Castiel gripped him tight and raised him from Perdition. It was Castiel's love that gave him strength to lock himself in Heaven. He loved Dean too much to let him suffer at the hands of Angels any more.

The trial of Obedience, Castiel obeyed Metatron's dark,twisted words and killed a Nephilim. He murdered an innocent girl to shut the gates of Heaven. He obeyed for Dean.

The trial of sacrifice, Castiel would sacrifice his freedom, his life, and his love. His everything because that was the most loving thing to do. To save his love, he would let him go. He would complete the Trials and lock every Angel in Heaven, for his righteous man, his Dean. He would lock himself away with his brothers, whom would be seeking revenge and blood. He would do this because no trial, no test can be completed without sacrifice.

* * *

**Thanks for reading guys. Sorry for any mistakes and if it is terrible. **

**~Lovelife**


	2. I'm my own worst nightmare

**A/N- Right guys, so I'm going to turn this into a series of Oneshots. I'll take any requests if y'all want. Thanks to the reviews of the last chapter. Hope you enjoy. Title taken from the episode where Dean and Sam take the dream root and Dean talks to his doppelganger before going to hell.**

**This is set after Season 5 but Sam was never resurrected, he's still dead. **

**Summary: Dean can't deal with live without Sam. He has no one and all the hate he sees in the mirror starts to take its toll. **

**~Lovelife xx**

* * *

I'm my own worst nightmare

Pain.

Pain was consuming Dean, excruciating pain that clouded his vision and caused the room to spin. He gripped the rough surface of the brick wall, gritting his teeth to hold back the screams of agony. Fuck, it hurt. His blunt nails scraped at the brick as he fought to keep consciousness. The hard concrete floor met his knees with a loud, painful whack as he lost balance and crashed.

He crashed hard. Everything, anything that had happened in the last year came flooding to the front of his mind. All the heartache, the death, life. The depression. How could he not be depressed. He's just lost Sammy, his little brother, his son, his family, his everything. He watch as his only family, the one thing that he had fought so hard to protect, his Sammy, had jumped into the the dark, fiery pits to save the world. To save him. Dean couldn't stop the flood of tears that broke from his eyes. How could he stop them? He couldn't save his own brother so how the fuck would he be able to stop his pathetic tears. He was stronger than this yet without Sammy, how could he be strong?

Dean gripped the sides of his stomach as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. Blood poured from his wound as the tears flooded from his eyes. He deserved this. He deserved to die in this dirty, rotting alleyway. He deserved to be left here, he didn't deserve to be saved. Not like he had anyone who would.

Why? Why Sammy, what was his life without Sammy? Sure he had Lisa, she deserved better than him. How could he corrupt their lives? Like his had been, he would always be a hunter, thats why he was here hunting a black dog when he could be curled up in bed with his hot girlfriend.

"Help!"

He didn't deserve it, yet he called because even though this pain would never be penance enough for what he had done. He was never the man his father was, he couldn't deal with the pain, he couldn't in Hell and he couldn't now. He was nothing. He hates what he sees when he looks in a mirror, he cares little for himself, his life was meaningless.

He gave up.

His head flopped back onto the wall and he clenched his eyes shut. He waited for death. Maybe Tessa would be the one to reap him. Maybe Dean was always supposed to die dirty and broken. Maybe this was Dean's destiny.

To die as nothing,

as a failure.

Darkness crept at the corners of his mind and the life was draining away from his body, like a vampire sucking its victim dry. He was going to die, not peaceful, not loving but he didn't care, as long as he died.

"Why do you want to die Dean?"

Deans eyes shot open at the unexpected sound of a certain gruff, alluring voice. Green met Blue as the hunter stared wordlessly at the Angel. Castiel, the Angel of Thursday. Dean gave a little chuckle, ironic that he was dying on a Thursday.

"I don't deserve to live" Dean deadpanned.

Castiel gave him that cute little head turn and that look he gets when he is trying to understand human emotion.

Confusion laced his voice. "Why do you not want to be saved Dean?"

Dean looked away from the angelic eyes that were before him, he couldn't look at them, not when they were filled with such kindness and compassion. Sympathy and adoration. He didn't deserve any of it.

"Everyone wants to be saved Cas, its whether they deserve to be saved. That's the real question that matters."

"Why do you think you don't deserve to be saved?"

Dammit Cas.

"I am nothing"

Dean looks back to those blue eyes, how he has missed them. That one sentence summed up everything he felt. He was nothing, nothing for Sammy, nothing for Lisa, for Mary or John.

Nothing for Cas.

Cas placed two fingers to his head. He felt the skin of his side stretch and slowly knit back together again. The tissues and muscles repairing themselves, from the touch of this Angel. More tears gathered at the corner of his eyes, as he stared intently at Cas, drinking every feature of this son of God.

His voice broke, "Why?"

All his self loathing and doubt poured out into that one word. Castiel never looked away, always training his eyes and his own Green ones. Confidence deep within his throat.

"You deserve to be saved Dean. That's why"

Dean had never heard Cas sound so sure, not when Cas was a servant of God or when he was adamant God was alive and willing to help. Not when he convinced Dean the demons had the Colt or that his necklace was a rare amulet. Cas had never sounded so sure as he did right then, as he was talking about Dean.

Two complete views on the same man, To himself Dean was nothing, to Cas, Dean was everything.

Dean jolted in surprise as Cas took his face gently in soft hands, still staring at him like he was something precious.

"Let me heal you Dean"

Dean stared dumbfounded at him.

"Errm you just did Cas"

"All of you Dean. That me heal all of you."

With that Cas pulled Deans face and rested their lips together. Cas's lips were soft and slightly dry Deans, he moved their lips together, coaxing Cas to move his. Their lips moved in a easy dance and their breaths mingled. When Dean pulled away to catch his breath, Cas leant his forehead against Deans.

"Okay"

That was the last thing whispered into the night. Dean would let Cas try and heal him, if anyone could it would be Cas. With Cas the ache for family would would take time, but with Cas maybe Dean could dream again, without seeing his face as his enemy. Maybe with Cas, Dean could be happy again.

Maybe with Cas, Dean could stop being his own worst nightmare.


	3. Gripped Tight and Raised From Perdition

**A/N- Heres another little oneshot guys. Shorter than my others but i hope you like it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Especially the two guest reviewers, you guys where amazing. **

**~Lovelife xx**

Gripped Tight and Raised From Perdition

Castiel watched as a single, stubborn tear slipped from the wide green orbs he was staring at. That one stubborn tear rat refused to be held at bay by the rim of Dean's eye. It was in that one tear that every emotion poured from Dean's souls so fierce, Castiel nearly stumbled back at the sheer devotion that radiated from Dean. That one tear, defiant in its ways. The hunter had never lost his control in Castiels presence yet here they were and Castiel watched Dean's internal struggle. He watched as the hunters defenses fell, the hunter crumbled, his voice breaking and possessing raw, pure emotion.

"Why?"

That one word cut into Castiel.

Why?

Why had Castiel left Dean? Why had he worked with Crowley? Why had he let loose the Levathans? Why had he broken Sam, broken down his wall? Why had Castiel hurt his hunter so much? Why had he hurt Dean?

Why?

He didn't know. He didn't know why he had done all of that. He didn't know how he had turned from being a warrior of God to being this pathetic excuse for an Angel, he was worse than Lucifer. Fallen, defiant, broken. Why he had turned against his hunter he will never know, but that was not the question Dean was asking.

"Why Cas, why didn't you try to get out of Purgatory? I tried Cas!"

His hunter still blamed himself, where did he go wrong? How could this righteous,Green eyed man blame himself? Why did it have to be Dean, why did his Dean suffer so much.

"It wasn't your fault Dean. It was never your fault"

It wasn't. Dean was never to blame. He was never to know what was happening to Castiel, he would never understand.

"Dean that was my penance. For everything, for what i did to Sam and Bobby. For working with Crowley. For the way i devastated Heaven, and slaughtered Earth..." He took a deep breath and focused his eyes on them Green orbs, as he had done so many other times. "...For you Dean. I deserve punishment for the pain I caused you. I deserved Purgatory."

"Why Cas? Why wouldn't you let me save you? You don't deserve to die!"

"Why do you even care so much Dean, the only time you even pray for me is when you need something. Why. Do. You. Care."

Castiel was taken by surprise as The hunter pushed him up against the wall of the dingy motel room, Deans hands fisted in the front of his Trenchcoat. His head smashed against the cold surface as paint chips fell to his shoulder.

Reaction, Instinct.

His hands came to gripped the upper arms of the taller man, subconsciously his hand fit over the scar he had left there many years before. From when he had gripped him tight and raised him from Perdition. Dean leaned close and whispered angrily into his ear.

"You're my friend Cas, my family. You've always been my friend, you mean more to me than you know. You saved me, you saved my family. Dammit Cas, I love you, I will not give up on us, on you."

Castiel, The Angel of Thursday, A warrior of God, was struck speechless. How could Dean love him? He didn't deserve love, especially not Deans.

"I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you Dean"

Dean loosed his hands from the coat and slipped them into his hair, one hand moving to cup his cheek and his face being forced to look at Dean, Green eyes boring into his own.

Rough lips against his own.

His eyes becoming wide when he realises that Dean Winchester is kissing him. At least Deans father never was a postman.

Move your lips.

Castiel moved his lips against Deans, sensations he had never experienced flooding through his vessels body. Euphoric, more graceful than the pizzaman. Deans tongue poked at his lips and he opened his mouth, granting Dean entrance to his mouth. Why had he never done this before.

You never had occasion.

Dean was worth it, he was glad he had saved this for Dean. He wanted to give Dean all of him.

Too soon, Dean removed his mouth and was panting, Castiel entwined his hand through Dean short hair, feeling the softness against his fingertips. A small gasp of laugh that escaped Dean, brought his attention back from the silky hair.

"I've wanted to do that forever Cas."

Castiel couldn't speak.

"You deserve everything"

Breathless.

"You deserve more love than a broken man like me could give you"

Denial, why would Dean want him.

"I can't give you anything special Cas but I Love you"

No.

"Always."

Can't be real. Nothing good happens to him.

"Let me be the one to save you for once Cas"

No, no. He was a broken Angel. Why would Dean want him?

"Let me be the one to grip you tight and raise you from Perdition"


	4. Sammy

**A/N: Hey guys here is another one shot for you all. Hope you enjoy****. Thanks for everyone who reviewed you guys are just so amazing and to everyone who followed or Favorited. Thanks. **

**Summery**: Dean would always protect Sam, every nightmare, every pain. He would always be there.

**Set in: Each part is set in a different season. Order: **Season 1, season 3/4, Season 6, and Season 8, spoilers.

**This isn't Wincest. Just them being brothers and family love. No incest.**

Sammy

Sammy was seven when he first screamed from a nightmare. When he first shot up in bed covered in sweat and shivered, as a blood curdling scream erupted from his lips. Tears streaking down his innocent, pure face. Terror in his eyes and fear thick in his voice as he screamed Deans name.

_"Sammy Sammy, what's wrong?" Dean's voice was frantic as he rushed into the single bedroom of the rundown motel that their Father had dumped them while he killed whatever monster it was this week._

_He gathered his sobbing little brother into his arms, bringing Sammy's head to his shoulder while he hugged the rest of his body close to his chest._

_"What happened?"_

_Hot tears soaked the back of his shirt and small gasps of breath filled the eerie silence of the room._

_"The monster Dean. The monster, she took me away. She tried to eat me."_

_Dean froze. The Shtriga, he was remembering the Shtriga. A year later and he was still having nightmares about that bitch. He felt his little brother begin to shake again. Tears flowing harder than before, broken sobs wracked from his chest and sweat clung to his forehead, making the curly locks plaster against his skin._

_Dean barely heard Sammy's gentle voice and quite plea._

_"Don't leave me Dean"_

_Its my job to protect you Sammy._

_"Shhhh Sammy everything's okay."_

_I'll take everything Sammy._

_"Just breath little brother"_

_Nothing will ever hurt you again Sammy._

_"I'm here okay. Let it out"_

_Pour everything on me Sammy._

_"I'm not leaving Sammy never"_

_I have to protect you. I'm your big brother,_

_I'll always be here, Sammy._

* * *

Sam would never tell Dean, but for those four months , he never slept. Every night he would wake up screaming Deans name. Begging thin air to bring his big brother, his best friend back. His only family. He shouted to God, to Demons to any bastard that would listen. Pleading, please please give me Dean back . I need him, he's my brother. My big brother. The same brother who raised him, who bandaged him up when he was hurt. He had been his father, his mother and brother. His protector , the only person he could trust. Why wouldn't they bring him back, what did he do that was so bad, he didn't deserve his big brother back.

Then by some miracle, well Angel actually, Dean was back. Castiel had saved him from Hell and he had his brother back. Yet the nightmares still surfaced, and he would wake up before Dean or just not sleep so Dean wouldn't know how much losing him, watching him be ripped to shreds had affected him. He was lying to his recently resurrected brother but he couldn't let Dean see him weak. He had to be strong for Dean, he was still dealing with the torture of Hell. Dean didn't need to know about the would keep it a secret, that was going fine until.

_"Please. Please give him back. I'm begging you give me back my big brother!"_

_Dean was startled awake by his brothers screaming. What was he even screaming about._

_"Give me Dean back. Please"_

_Dean was shocked still by the sheer devastation and desperation in Sam's tear filled voice. Sam was having a nightmare about him._

_About when Dean was in Hell, that is the only explanation._

_Dean slid out of his bed and knelt down beside Sams. He watched as Sams face wrinkled up in agony and despair. He was begging. _

_Dean laid his hand on Sam's shoulder, slightly shaking him trying to wake him from his nightmare._

_"Sammy wake up"_

_Sam shot up in his bed and wrapped his arms tightly around his big brothers shoulder. He didn't care that he looked like a pussy , hugging his brother because he had a bad dream, he didn't care._

_"Talk to me Sam."_

_The great Sasquatch that was Sam Winchester let his body go limp and lent against his brother. Just like when they were kids, he choked back his sobs and in one great rush he poured everything out and onto Dean._

_"I watched you die Dean! I watched you fucking die, you were ripped to shreds and i couldn't do anything, then you lay limp and lifeless in my arms and i thought of all the times you protected me and i couldn't save you Dean. For four months i tried and i tried but nothing worked i begged and pleaded , bribed and blackmailed but nothing worked. I screamed to demons and fuck even to God that they would bring you back, you didn't deserve this Dean i just wanted my big brother. What could i do without you, you have been my rock for all my life and i couldn't cope without you. Then you came back but my nightmares are still haunting me, what if you leave again, what if they kill you again and i cannot help. What if they take you from me again? What do i do Dean?"_

_Dean pulled away from Sam and gripped his little brothers shoulders, forcing Sam to meet his eyes. Dean could see into Sams soul and was saw how much Sammy was actually hurting. He never knew he meant that much to his little brother, feeling his own tears slip down his face, he moved to gripped Sams neck and looked into his brothers eyes._

_"Look at me Sammy. You are my little brother, even if you are like a freaking giant, but you are my little brother and i will never leave you again okay. You are my family, my only family you will never have to live without me because even if i die, again, i'll always be with you. Little Brother, don't you know its my job to look after you.!_

* * *

The wall was never perfect. There was always the possibility it would break. It has not broke, Sam would know if it had broke but maybe it had cracked. Images, visions, memories that were not once there now are. It has to be the wall cracking. Images of cages and chains. Pain , so much pain.

Overwhelming him,

consuming him.

Then the nightmares started, every night, images of Lucifer and Michael plagued his mind. Lucifer in the vessel of Nick, then he saw himself as Lucifer. He saw Michael as his little brother, the pure face of Adam Milligan taunting him. The nightmares became too much and he didn't know how to deal, how to cope. The only other person he could talk to is Dean.

_"Dean?"_

_"Hmmm"_

_"Dean, can i ask you something?"_

_"Go for it"_

_Sam shifted slightly, not knowing why he felt so nervous._

_"How did you cope with nightmares, of you know, Hell?"_

_Dean looked up from his cheeseburger and glanced at his brother, worry filling his eyes._

_"Are you remembering Sam?"_

_"I think so."_

_"Dean I'm scared."_

_Dean set his cheeseburger aside and focused onto his little brother. Watching his Brother as he fidgeted and squirmed, His eyes darting around the room, glancing at the ceiling, wringing his hands and gripping at his wrists ._

_Chains._

_Sounds kinky yeah but Dean remembered being in them chains, them tightening around your body, cutting of your circulation._

_Sammy remembered Hell._

_"I drank Sammy but for most of it. You , Cas, Bobby. You helped me through it, i just had to remember i wasn't there, it was hard but with you three i coped, you kept me sane and real. Without you three i wouldn't know what was real and what was torture. You Sammy, it was you that got me through the nightmares, and I'll help you get though with yours."_

_A small smile crept onto Sams lips._

_"Thanks Dean"_

_"Anything for you Sammy"_

* * *

Sam lay in the bed at the Bunker. Groaning in pain and shouting at the sharp stabs of excruciating pain that shot through his head. He could hear Dean arguing with Kevin,while trying to sooth and comfort him. He could barely remember what had happened over the last few hours. He was finishing the trials. Crowley. Pain. Dean. Pain. Crying. Pain. Hugging his brother. Not completing the trials. More pain. Dean, Angels.

_"The Angels they're falling"_

_The sharp sound of a body crashing into the pound shook through Sam's system and he winced in pain._

_"Dean it hurts"_

_Dean turned to his brother who was breathing heavy against the cold metal of the car, eyes buried deep,surrounded by redness and bags. His eyes smashed closed and the pain shone clearly on his face. He looked a mess, he looked like he was dying._

_Not again._

_I will not loose you again Sammy._

_Never again._

_"Look at me little brother, I'm here. We're gunna get you out of here. I won't leave you."_

_Dammit Cas, we need you._

_"Everything will be fine Sam. Cas will come and help. You'll be perfectly fine._

_Tears ran down both their faces._

_Sam's tears were of pain and resentment. Why couldn't he do anything right. He screwed up everything he tried. He was always letting Dean down, that's what he had confessed. How he had let his brother down. _

_"Let me go Dean. Just let me go. I can die here, i deserve it."_

_"Sammy come on. There is nothing i wouldn't do for you, no one i would put before you. I will save you Sammy. You're my brother."_

_Dean pulled his little brother into another hug, just like he had after he had wrapped his hand up. Sam rested his chin on Deans shoulder and cried in his brothers hug, just like he had when they were kids._

_The Angels light up the night sky as their wings were ripped from them._

_Castiel stood at the top of a hill he didn't know and cried as he watched his brothers fall._

_Kevin was watching lights flicker in the bunker._

_And Sam hugged Dean with everything he to his older brother for safety and protection because Dean would always take care of him._

_Let it go Sammy. I'm here to take it._

_We've__ both done bad things Sammy but we're always be family._

_Always Sammy. I'll always be here._

_We lost a lot Sammy but you'll never lose me._

_You'll never be alone Sammy._

_I'll always be your brother._


	5. His Idjits

**A/N: Short one, sorry guys. So sorry it has been so long, I thought I would update more now that all my exams are over and I've had my Prom but then BAM I have no Internet. So now that I have Internet, I should be able to update more. Thanks to all those who have been reading and for the reviews, thank you soooo much. Any way hope you enjoy... **

**~Lovelife xx**

**Summery: **Bobby's thoughts as he is in Heaven, slight spoilers for Season 8. Set after 8x19.

* * *

**His Idjits**

He glanced down at them. His boys. Arguing over movie snacks, like the idjits they were, while he drank his beer.

His last memory he had,

His heaven.

Finally in Heaven. He never thought he would make it here, to Heaven, where everything was happy and memories of the Pit couldn't touch him here, he was safe with His Heaven. He could watch Dean torment his little brother and use his Older Brother rights to pick the movie. Sam would go in a sulk about never getting what he wants because he was younger, but then as soon as the film started, he would be on the edge of the seat along with Dean. They would argue over petty things and constantly insult each other. It was like there was a trickster constantly with them. But there wasn't it was just his boys, being brothers.

His Heaven was mostly memories of them.

Memories of how he would play baseball with Dean instead of training him. Memories of reading books to Sam, to get him to sleep. Answering all of their questions when they asked, from normal teenage stuff too information about monsters. They should have never been brought into this life, John should have never dragged them into this, they should have chance to be kids, do kid things. They were good kids, they deserved to have good lives.

Sometimes he would go to The Road House and have a drink with Ash, sometimes Ellen and Jo would be there. Sometimes he would see Pam. They would laugh and drink, talking about the good times while Ash would be on that laptop of his, listening into the Angels conversations. That was why he came to here, sure he like to see them, but this was the only way he could keep tabs on his boys. Through Ash and that damn computer.

They weren't doing so well, them damn trials nearly killing Sam, Cas working with Metatron, Crowley being handcuffed to a chair while Sam injects him with blood.

Sam looked like Hell and Dean looked tired and worn, like John had looked when hunting monsters and taking care of his kids started to take its toll on him.

Yet he saw what Dean said to Sam. For the many years he had been taking care of them damn Idjits, he had never seen them so vulnerable and show so much emotion.

'Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you'

He was proud of his boys, He watched as Dean pulled his younger brother into a hug and even with Sam standing taller than Dean, he looked like a little boy seeking comfort and guidance from his older brother. Them boys, they've been through alot, and Dean had it all right in that once sentence. They had sacrificed a lot for each other, going to Hell, Heaven, Purgatory. They've died for each other and done everything they could to protect each other. Always knocking on Deaths door. Yet there they stand embracing, finally brothers once again. No more bitter words or lingering anger between them, no. Just them being brothers, he watched as Sam sobbed into his brother's shoulder and gasped in pain.

They may not biologically be his, but they would always be his boys.

His troublemaker boys, that had never got to be children and spend their life hunting monsters. They have a hard life, and he will always be watching over his boys.

He was proud of them, they had come so far from being an scrawny 12 year old and an arrogant 18 year old.

They were his family, his boys, and he would never truly leave them.

He would always be watching,

His idjits.


	6. His true Destiny

**A/N: Hey guys I'm back again! So I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It might be a while before i can update, i have a ton of stuff going on this week and then next week is Gishwhes! So yep, i may not have much time ;) SO again i hope you all enjoy, thank you everyone who is reading and your comments are amazing thanks! **

**~Lovelife xx**

**Summary: **Set after 5x19. I don't know what to say other than GABRIEL. Implied Sabriel. Mostly his version of events and some stuff after that :) Yeah that was terrible sorry, guess you'll have to read to find out. xx

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**His true Destiny**

Sweets.

Gabriel always ate sweets, if he was human he would have died of sugar overload, but being the Archangel that he was, well the sugar had no affect on him. Since he had skipped out of Heaven and got a face transplant he never really communicated with anyone. He pissed people of, gave them what they deserved, Just desserts. He killed some people, made some people dance with Aliens, he was a trickster, a pagan God and an Archangel. No longer in contact with his family and had no friends on Earth. He enjoyed creating havoc and interfering with people's lives, inflicting Karma in his own way. But the truth of it all he way lonely.

Then, the Winchesters came investigating his little town, and yeah he played with them, messed them around. He pitted them against each other, had them fighting. Mocking each other, and then they had found out it was him, he lured them. Taunted Dean, offered him a peace offering, which was genuine, he really did like those boys and even though he had them fighting with sexy women and crazy chainsaw guys, he wouldn't have let them die. He couldn't have, especially Sam. Sam couldn't die. Then they left him, thinking he was dead.

The next time he heard from them was when they were checking out that little shack that was called amusement, Mystery spot. Furniture nailed to the ceiling, that's all it was. So sure he was messing with them, but most of all he wanted to show Sam that he would soon have to live without his brother. They were acting as Dean wasn't going to die soon, as if Hell hounds weren't going to shred him up and drag his ass into Hell. He had watched that film in 1993, Groundhog Day, he had been waiting a while to use that concept and the brothers had been perfect candidates. So Dean was killed, again and again and again. Tuesday never ended, well that was until Sam had figured it out and he had been confronted. And yeah he would gladly admit that having Sam push him up against a fence and be all demanding, turned him on. Who wouldn't be turned on by that?

Now TV land, that was funny. It was a weird obsession of his, it truly was. He was addicted to messing with these two, it was fun. Dr sexy, the nutcracker. The genital herpes commercial. He just loved to mess with them, but he wanted it to end. The conflict and wars, the reason he left Heaven in the first place, and it had been happening all over again. His older brothers fighting to the death, set on killing each other. He didn't want either of them to die, but he just wanted it to be over. He wanted them to sort their differences out, and just get it over with while he watched by the side. But of course Dean Winchester happened, and he managed to put an Archangel in his place. He was afraid to stand up to his family, sure he was one of the four Archangels, the most powerful angels, but still he was the youngest of the four. Michael being his eldest brother and Lucifer being the second. Raphael was also older than him, but Raphael was a dick, so he didn't really count. Other than the dick, he had been close to his older brothers, he loved them, they were his heroes. He wanted to be like them. Strong and wise like Michael. Bright and unreserved like Lucifer. He wanted them to be proud of him, he looked up to them because they were his big brothers and he loved them. They were killing each other, and he couldn't watch as his idols tore themselves and each other apart. So he had to do something, he couldn't just sit by the side lines any more, watching them destroy everything. He had to take action and fight against his older brothers.

The Elysian Fields Hotel. Kali, the gods, the Winchesters and Lucifer. At that moment in time, everything he cared for was represented in that room. Kali, whether she believed it or not, it meant something to him. The Gods that he had called friends, as Loki. The Winchesters who he had grown to care for, as friends and as humans. They represented Humanity, people. Also Sam, he had special care for Sam. And Lucifer, his brother. His hero. He didn't want to fight with his brother, hence the waiting in the Impala for Dean so he could reveal they could leave, he had the blood. He tried to save them all, The Gods, The Winchesters and Lucifer. Yet he couldn't, not all of them. Lucifer had killed the Gods, his friends.

He saved Kali.

He saved the Winchesters.

Yet he couldn't save his older brother, he couldn't make him see that people were not that bad. And in the process, he lost the look Lucifer use to give him. The one of pride and love, of brother-ship, of knowing his little brother would always see him as the hero. Knowing his brother would always chose family.

He didn't.

He chose people, not Lucifer, not Michael but people. Because they try.

_"You disloyal-"_

_"Oh I'm loyal. To them"_

The look of betrayal that shone in Lucifer's eyes was brighter than he had ever seen. Lucifer had always shone brighter at everything, the Morningstar. Bitterness thick in his brothers voice, angry words spat out, they're flawed.

And he will admit it pained him to see his older brother look at him with disgust.

_"A lot of them try, to do better, to forgive"_

If only his brother would have seen what he was saying in them words. If Lucifer had just quit then, just gave up the fighting and the war, he would have forgave him. He would always forgive him. For a glimpse he saw his brother doubting, as Lucifer pleaded for him to stop.

_"Brother don't make me do this"_

For that one second he had seen his big brother again, wanting to protect him, even if was from himself. He saw the slight flash of tears and guilt in the Morningstar's eyes. Just for that one second he didn't see Lucifer, the devil, the fallen angel, Satan. He saw Lucifer, his brother who had raised him, the same brother who helped him with the terrifying job of being Dads messenger, the same brother who taught him everything he knows, taught him what is was to feel emotions.

Then Lucifer had stabbed him with his own angel blade.

_"Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother"_

And even though he had an angel blade embedded into his vessels guts, he felt a surge of warmth travel through his grace at his brother calling him little brother. He hadn't been called that since before Lucifer had fell. He hadn't been anyone's little brother for a while. Pain and anguish filled his eyes as he stared pleadingly into Lucifer's eyes, his was going to die and his big brother was going to be the one to kill him. His hero, and he swears he saw regret forming in his older brothers eyes as the blade was twisted upwards, killing him.

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He was dead, Lucifer had killed him. So how he was here, standing in front of a greasy motel. Somehow he had been resurrected. There was only two options to how he had been saved. And he highly doubted Lucifer would have brought him back to life, after being the one to end him. Only Dad could have done this, but why? Dad wasn't in Heaven any more, he didn't care, so why would he resurrect him?

_You fought for them, my son._

The air swirled around him, the streetlights suddenly brighter. The air cleared and the night sky became a deep blue, the stars shone brighter with anticipation and his grace buzzed with excitement and awe. Everything was amplified, even for him as an archangel. The motel looked fresher and the road seemed empty. Suddenly the loud sounds of a radio came filling his ears, Carry on my Wayward son blasting through the Black car that was driving up the road. The 67 Chevy Impala pulled into the motel car park and out stepped the two familiar backs of the his favorite humans.

_Go be happy, my son. Be a family._

Gabriel smiled to himself, in that motel room would be Sam Winchester who he had fallen for that very first time he met the brothers, they would be happy together. Also would be Dean Winchester who would be a brother to him, a brother who he could trust and always count on. The would protect each other and Gabriel would finally have the family he had always wanted.

"Thanks Dad"

He took a step towards the motel, to his true destiny.

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**Thanks for reading guys. **

**Soundtrack: The Cinematic Orchestra-To build a home (Instrumental version)**

**~Lovelife xx**


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